Apparently, I'm Writing About My Bloodline

A behind the scenes look at what this next book is becoming.

Thank you for being here.

Because Life is Messy is not a highlight reel. It’s where wisdom meets the beautiful complexity of real life. If you’re shedding old skins or longing for depth without dogma — you belong here. Here we tell the truth that connects — because connection is what transforms us.

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Johannes Vermeer, A Lady Writing, c. 1665, oil on canvas.

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Dear Friends,

After a few tough weeks of being unwell, I’m finally feeling my brain come back online.

I had to set everything down — my Substack essays, the manuscript, the buzzing of inspiration that often follows me around. When you’re not feeling your best, all you really want is to rest and recover. And honestly, that’s exactly what we should do.

Still.

There comes that moment — subtle at first — when the inner voices start whispering, then get louder. Okay… come on. Time to move again.

And before you know it, there’s a flicker. A spark. A returning excitement.

I’m feeling that now.

So I thought I’d share something I don’t often feel comfortable talking about publicly as an introvert — a behind-the-scenes look at my second book project.

Every time I say that out loud — my second book — it feels a little unsettling. Vulnerable. Like opening my heart, but not sure it’s the right time.

But here I am. Trusting myself, trusting you, and trusting divine timing.

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So…

I thought I was writing a memoir. Instead, I’m writing about inheritance.

I thought I was writing about my Christmas Eve birth story. Yes, and. I’m writing about our mythic lives.

Behind the scenes, this project is becoming less about what happened and more about what travels through us. What moves silently through generations. What we protect. What we surrender. What was never spoken aloud but lives in the generational branches of our nervous system anyway.

I didn’t grow up hearing certain names. Certain stories. Certain histories. Certain truths. And yet I grew up feeling them. In my bones.

I’m discovering that this book is more than growing up Italian American in Chicago. It’s about a sense of mistrust toward outsiders. It’s about the development of trust and intimacy within earned circles. It’s about using assimilation as a strategy for adaptation. It’s about language disappearing in the name of safety. It’s about reflecting on boundaries — how we had so few within the family and so many outside it.

It’s about what survival costs. What we inherit without realizing. What we relinquish, what we repair, and what we choose to hold dear.

Some days, the writing feels tender. Some days, it feels like I’m picking at a scab or an open wound that has been there for a century. Some days, I’m angry. Some days, I’m understanding. Some days, I’m filled with awe, gratitude, and love. Most days, I’m feeling it all.

I’m also asking myself harder questions than I expected:

Where do I still want to soften my edges? Where do I want to strengthen my boundaries?
Where do I still try to belong by shrinking? What am I still hiding from?
What ends with me? What do I choose to carry forward? What do I hope for the next seven generations?

I don’t have the full shape of the book yet, but it’s beginning to feel like something.

My good friend Faye reminds me of David Lynch’s quote, “Ideas are like fish. If you want to catch little fish, you can stay in the shallow water. But if you want to catch the big fish, you’ve got to go deeper. Down deep, the fish are more powerful and more pure. They’re huge and abstract. And they’re very beautiful.” — Catching the Big Fish: Meditation, Consciousness, and Creativity

When I’m feeling stuck in the weeds, ready to delete what is at the very, very seedling stage of a manuscript, I try to remember that the deeper I delve and the more I write, the more I’ll discover and the more the book will take shape.

I do know this much — it’s no longer just a collection of stories.
It’s a recognition. A revelation.
And, not so surprisingly, an act of devotion and dedication.

Because Life is Messy, yes!

It’s also holy in the places where we dare to look.

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Our Zoom Gathering on Tuesday, February 17, will be at the usual 5:00 PM Pacific Time. This week’s focus is on the Goddess Saraswati. Which is quite fitting, especially since she excels in speech, articulation, education, and much more.

No prior attendance is required, as each session is independent. If you’re interested in learning how Saraswati’s energies can help you navigate and thrive during these complex times, please join us.

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P.S. The Zoom link for our gathering will be sent tomorrow.