Seeds of Division

The danger ignoring small impositions.

As an American, I’m proud to say that we excel at artistic, creative, technological, and scientific innovation. However, I’m not proud that we also excel at isms. Racism, sexism, anti-semitism, ageism, classism, size-ism, anarchism, and authoritarianism: and that’s not the entire list. While not ending with ism, I need to add a few more that fit into the category: homophobia, transphobia, xenophobia, etc.

Our isms and phobias are killing us. Literally. The limiting and false beliefs we hold against one another narrow our vision and blind us with hatred.

Height discrimination, also known as heightism, was first coined by sociologist Saul Feldman in a 1971 presentation at a meeting of the American Sociological Association. Subsequently, the term was included in the Second Barnhart Dictionary of New English and made popular by an article in Time magazine. ¹

You may have surmised that heightism is also used as slang. Derogatory.

When I was young, my people, as I call them, saw this slight tiny child who grew into a slight petite woman and feared for her. As a youngster, they worried about my physical safety when playing outdoors or riding my bike. As you might imagine, another level of worry piled on when I entered my teenage and dating years, plus concerns about my ability or lack of ability to perform specific tasks.

I often heard comments: Are you sure you can lift that? Here, let me reach that glass for you. You’re so tiny. Isn’t she just so cute? In many instances, I was talked about as if I weren’t present or hearing the comments bandied about. Strangers occasionally patted me on the head, for goodness sake! In later years, I wondered how pregnant women must feel when strangers pat their bellies like a good luck charm.

I found it puzzling that my petite physicality equated to niceness and sweetness. You know, the sentimental kind. Besides, what does nice even mean? Friendly? Lovely? Kind? I also wondered what it was about my stature that gave people the right to treat me like a puppy in a pet store. And let’s be clear: it happened in the expanding circles of my life - in school, with colleagues, attending business meetings, and social activities.

Platitudes and questions have followed me like a pup on a leash since I was a kid and continue today, well into my third chapter of life. It makes me want to step my 5’1’’, 98 lb. self onto an elevated soapbox, announcing, People, I’m not that flippin’ nice! Well, in full transparency, I am kind and sometimes unkind. I’m compassionate, but sometimes I’m rude. I’m loving, and sometimes I want to scream with frustration. I’m funny and can cross the line into sarcasm if my internal GPS is malfunctioning. And the F word, I keep handy in my back pocket, because you just never know when you need it.

It’s the dang messy paradox.

Humans are complicated. Thank goodness we’re not one thing; we are not absolutes. We are gloriously many things at once, yet the simple truth is that the thread that weaves us together is our mutual desire to be seen for who we are.

I’ve always desired to be seen for who I am—inside. And I can’t imagine that each of us doesn’t share the same sentiment, to be seen for who we are inside.

Still today, I ponder why a person’s stature and appearance automatically influence how others think of them. Why does my petite self automatically put me and others of my ilk in a tight, constricted box?

My family surrounded me with love and delighted in my achievements—no question about that. At times, their worry and fear though, a heavy weighted blanket. Along with the impositions placed on me from the world I inhabited outside of family. Often, I internalized the judgments of others, believing what I heard and how it made me feel. I questioned who I was, affecting my sense of self and life choices.

Research

Studies show that taller men and women are widely more respected, earn a higher wage, and are considered more intelligent. When I first began learning about heightism many years ago, I thought Hmm, maybe it’s kind of acceptable. It could be worse. With the intensity and injustice we face concerning isms and phobias, I wondered How bad is it to be short and considered less competent than my tall friend.

However, I struggled with cognitive dissonance around that notion. So I chose to look at the correlation of how graver injustices and discrimination begin. The penny dropped, a puzzle piece fit. All you and I need to do is look around us. And listen to the repugnant rhetoric that infiltrates the surround sound of our daily lives.

Currently, we’re blasted with outrageous idiocy in our political landscape, and we have witnessed and participated in systemic injustice in the U.S. and other countries for centuries. The root causes of what we’re seeing today and the needed course corrections are beyond my scope. Yet, I know that when we collectively allow a seemingly Oh, that wasn’t so bad, snide comment or belittling remark go unchecked, we open the door for hurtful and harmful commentaries to grow bolder and more vile—leading to the demise of mutual respect, civil discourse and much worse.

No one is exempt here— each of our internal monitoring systems needs radical honest self scrutiny. Our automatic reactions are fire-hot and require self examination and a tempering down.

The path to raising collective consciousness begins with the clarity of our Darshana: How we see ourselves is how we see one another, and how we see one another is how we see the world.

And if we meet along the journey by chance, please don’t pat me on the head.

With love, Paulette

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