Earlier today there was a heartfelt comment from Victoria on today's essay. I planned on returning to it when I had more time to write thoughtfully and not dash off a response. I no longer see it. I want to say, if you're reading this Victoria, thank you for sharing your personal experience. I'm sorry for the comments that have been casually aimed at you over the years. And I so agree how unwittingly harmful such remarks can be on a person's sense of self. Thank you for taking the time to read and to comment. Your words are appreciated.
I am average height, 5’7, but my husband is 6’5”. My sons are both very tall—one is 6’9”. I can attest to the fact that as tall, white men, they are treated very well. I notice it when I’m with them. I’ve had to explain to them that this treatment they receive isn’t normal.
However, there is a downside and it’s affected my son who is 6’9”. Young men constantly want to fight him, especially when they get drunk. And people constantly stare at him wherever he goes. Whenever we walk into a room, you can feel the eyeballs turning towards him. And random people ask him for a picture. It’s a mixed blessing. He’s gracious, but he can also feel very overwhelmed and stressed.
Thank you for sharing your experience with your family, and for your insightful comments, Kim. I continue to be fascinated by human behavior and how we can be so flippant with another’s feelings. Often times we’re not meaning to offend or hurt, yet we do.
I'll never forget when a boy in school, knowing that I was born in Ecuador, said, "go back to where you came from." It was such a small thing, but it honestly has stayed with me. This reminds me of that. It's interesting how those comments either knowingly or unknowingly by the person have such an impact. This conversation also reminds me of ambivalent sexism, where the woman is both protected (which seems nice) but also perceived as incompetent (not so nice).
I'm sorry for that comment, Valerie, and how it made you feel and still remember all these years. Great insight on sexism!
And yes, that is what I was pointing to in the post. There are so many seemingly small ways that plant the seeds of feeling of less than, self- doubt, and shame and in our selves. And those seemingly not so bad comments are the seeds that lead to greater more harmful "isms".
5'10" and a half. I only recently reclaimed that half an inch. i didn't want to be tall, to be that girl at the end of the line, the one with no partner because we had an odd number of girls in class. We were in size order a lot in my elementary school. I spent most of my life trying to be small, to stay unnoticed, and I'm sorry now that I did Whatever DNA scoop we get from the genetic pool when we're brought earth side, it does always seem to be something we're dissatisfied with. Big nose, small eyes, too wide, etc. I like to think it's a costume wear to learn the necessary lessons while we're here.
I appreciate this conversation. We're on different ends of the height spectrum right - where we needed to deal with the emotions that creeped in as a result of the way other people viewed us. It's interesting for me to look at how all of that can set us up for limiting beliefs. In our selves and others. And yes, Ilona, one day we'll drop these earth suits and all that comes with them. Thanks for sharing, friend.
I'm sorry you're not seeing her comment. Here's mine: I LOVE YOU and everything about this post. Excellent! And men and women who are not only tall, but thin too, always do better in the work/business arena. Also, when I met you online, I made an assumption that you were tall and willowy until you informed me that you are small of stature. You may be, but babe, you are one giant of a human. Now, I'm confused. Am I saying something good? Or is that insulting? Let me try it again. But babe, you are one teeny tiny human, one of the best! Before I shove my foot any deeper in my mouth. I'm going to stop. Because you know what I mean, right? OY VEY. And I'm sorry that Victoria's comment got lost. xo
Oh my gosh, how I love you!! Thank you for this humorous, loving and generous comment. I have to share it! BTW, I used to dream of being tall and willowy. I'll take your description any day,
I always thought I was tall and willowy until I realized I wasn’t. That was a recent realization btw! But I’m a towering giant next to you. I’m not, really. I was always 5’4” until a couple of years ago when my primary proved me wrong by an inch. What a come down (har har)! xoxo
This is incredible, Paulette. I'd never heard of heightism! This particular line is remarkable: "How we see ourselves is how we see one another, and how we see one another is how we see the world" Great post.
Thank you, Jeanine! I know, heightism. So interesting how we label people.
I appreciate you also pointing out the last line referring to our Darshana. I was hoping that the connection of those seemingly minor infractions are the seeds of greater issues that we're all facing domestically in the U.S. and world-wide.
I love this too and last weeks article ! I always worry about my son who is only 5”7 or 5”8 max playing D1 soccer on a team with huge guys and I believe he’s the smallest! Worry meaning jones that might be made towards him ! Even though I always thought soccer would be a perfect fit for him . I’m only 5”4 and dating for some reason my family sees me with a taller guy even though I’m attracted to NOT so tall men ! People are mean and let me not get into the racism part of our world Lots of contemplation ! Thank you
Earlier today there was a heartfelt comment from Victoria on today's essay. I planned on returning to it when I had more time to write thoughtfully and not dash off a response. I no longer see it. I want to say, if you're reading this Victoria, thank you for sharing your personal experience. I'm sorry for the comments that have been casually aimed at you over the years. And I so agree how unwittingly harmful such remarks can be on a person's sense of self. Thank you for taking the time to read and to comment. Your words are appreciated.
Loved this, Paulette great writing & insights.
As a skinny , teased 5’ 8 teenager , I longed to be petite. We are both perfect in our size & being x
Yes, we sure are my friend.
I am average height, 5’7, but my husband is 6’5”. My sons are both very tall—one is 6’9”. I can attest to the fact that as tall, white men, they are treated very well. I notice it when I’m with them. I’ve had to explain to them that this treatment they receive isn’t normal.
However, there is a downside and it’s affected my son who is 6’9”. Young men constantly want to fight him, especially when they get drunk. And people constantly stare at him wherever he goes. Whenever we walk into a room, you can feel the eyeballs turning towards him. And random people ask him for a picture. It’s a mixed blessing. He’s gracious, but he can also feel very overwhelmed and stressed.
Thank you for sharing your experience with your family, and for your insightful comments, Kim. I continue to be fascinated by human behavior and how we can be so flippant with another’s feelings. Often times we’re not meaning to offend or hurt, yet we do.
I'll never forget when a boy in school, knowing that I was born in Ecuador, said, "go back to where you came from." It was such a small thing, but it honestly has stayed with me. This reminds me of that. It's interesting how those comments either knowingly or unknowingly by the person have such an impact. This conversation also reminds me of ambivalent sexism, where the woman is both protected (which seems nice) but also perceived as incompetent (not so nice).
I'm sorry for that comment, Valerie, and how it made you feel and still remember all these years. Great insight on sexism!
And yes, that is what I was pointing to in the post. There are so many seemingly small ways that plant the seeds of feeling of less than, self- doubt, and shame and in our selves. And those seemingly not so bad comments are the seeds that lead to greater more harmful "isms".
5'10" and a half. I only recently reclaimed that half an inch. i didn't want to be tall, to be that girl at the end of the line, the one with no partner because we had an odd number of girls in class. We were in size order a lot in my elementary school. I spent most of my life trying to be small, to stay unnoticed, and I'm sorry now that I did Whatever DNA scoop we get from the genetic pool when we're brought earth side, it does always seem to be something we're dissatisfied with. Big nose, small eyes, too wide, etc. I like to think it's a costume wear to learn the necessary lessons while we're here.
I appreciate this conversation. We're on different ends of the height spectrum right - where we needed to deal with the emotions that creeped in as a result of the way other people viewed us. It's interesting for me to look at how all of that can set us up for limiting beliefs. In our selves and others. And yes, Ilona, one day we'll drop these earth suits and all that comes with them. Thanks for sharing, friend.
I'm sorry you're not seeing her comment. Here's mine: I LOVE YOU and everything about this post. Excellent! And men and women who are not only tall, but thin too, always do better in the work/business arena. Also, when I met you online, I made an assumption that you were tall and willowy until you informed me that you are small of stature. You may be, but babe, you are one giant of a human. Now, I'm confused. Am I saying something good? Or is that insulting? Let me try it again. But babe, you are one teeny tiny human, one of the best! Before I shove my foot any deeper in my mouth. I'm going to stop. Because you know what I mean, right? OY VEY. And I'm sorry that Victoria's comment got lost. xo
Oh my gosh, how I love you!! Thank you for this humorous, loving and generous comment. I have to share it! BTW, I used to dream of being tall and willowy. I'll take your description any day,
I always thought I was tall and willowy until I realized I wasn’t. That was a recent realization btw! But I’m a towering giant next to you. I’m not, really. I was always 5’4” until a couple of years ago when my primary proved me wrong by an inch. What a come down (har har)! xoxo
Ha ha! xoxo
This is incredible, Paulette. I'd never heard of heightism! This particular line is remarkable: "How we see ourselves is how we see one another, and how we see one another is how we see the world" Great post.
Thank you, Jeanine! I know, heightism. So interesting how we label people.
I appreciate you also pointing out the last line referring to our Darshana. I was hoping that the connection of those seemingly minor infractions are the seeds of greater issues that we're all facing domestically in the U.S. and world-wide.
I love this too and last weeks article ! I always worry about my son who is only 5”7 or 5”8 max playing D1 soccer on a team with huge guys and I believe he’s the smallest! Worry meaning jones that might be made towards him ! Even though I always thought soccer would be a perfect fit for him . I’m only 5”4 and dating for some reason my family sees me with a taller guy even though I’m attracted to NOT so tall men ! People are mean and let me not get into the racism part of our world Lots of contemplation ! Thank you
Jokes - not jones ! I’m not a writer!! Haha