Gratitude and Connection

The Gift of an Anam Cara - Soul Friend

Thank you for being here. Because Life is Messy… is a space where timeless wisdom meets real-life grit. Whether you’re grieving, reimagining who you are, or simply craving spiritual depth without the dogma — you’re home.

Here, we tell the truth in the conversations that matter — tender and tough — because that’s where connection and transformation live.

Last week, I shared a simple meditation for slowing down and crossing thresholds. What follows feels like the other side of that pause.

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About ten days ago, as the year was ending, my friend and I found it difficult to say goodbye. Neither of us wanted to be the first to click the little red circle on our phones and end the call. Months had passed since we last spoke, and the weight of that absence hung in the air.

Still.

Once we found our rhythm, the last ten minutes gathered speed, tumbling into one another — One more thing…oh, did I mention that…I forgot to ask you…

What are you reading? Tell me about your writing. What was the name of that vegetarian restaurant we used to go to? Remember when we saw the eagle on our walk?

Until finally… I love you, friend. I love you too.

We spoke for over ninety minutes. The conversation flowed like a river — smooth and steady, sometimes winding gently, sometimes rushing around boulders and fallen branches. When the current picked up, carrying harder, heavier things, we held space for each other—sharing heartbreaks, physical injuries, and memories both tender and tough. And through it all, there was laughter. Deep, from the belly, unguarded laughter that rose from shared history and a deep, abiding connection.

In his book Anam Cara, John O’Donohue discusses the blessing of having a profoundly intimate relationship with a soul friend. (Anam means soul in Gaelic, and Cara means friend.) It is a relationship in which masks fall away — where we are truly seen, heard, and understood as the imperfectly perfect beings we are. A bond that moves in a circle, nurturing both hearts and offering a deep sense of belonging.

This year has been so terribly difficult for a great many of us — from personal struggles and heartbreak to leadership without empathy, national violence, and ongoing wars that continue to take innocent lives.

What has helped sustain me is what I think of as my deep-end-of-the-ocean friends. You don’t need many. Just a small circle of sacred hearts willing to meet one another in the precious mess of life — lifting, listening, staying.

And so my wish for you, dear ones, is an Anam Cara. Someone with whom you can share your burdens and your joys. Someone to whom you have gifted your friendship, as they have gifted theirs to you.

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With that intention, I’m inviting you into a piece I wrote two years ago that still feels deeply relevant: Apart From Goals.

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• Stay tuned in the New Year: soulful rituals for free subscribers, intimate book chats for paid subscribers.

• Thank you. Truly. Your support throughout this year, in any form—sharing with a friend, clicking the 💙 heart, reposting, commenting —has meant more than I can say. All the thoughtful ways you’ve shown up make me smile and fill my heart with gratitude.

• I’ll meet you here in the New Year.