Thanks, Paulette, for skillfully expounding on my post. You asked questions that are interesting and worthwhile to explore. Why did we even go to a place where we knew people would be telling embarrassing stories. I don't know why this is so appealing, but one possible reason is that we want to be a safe space for that person to relieve themselves of this shame spiral.
I watched Baby Reindeer and the star of the series did a public confession of a sexual assault that happened to him that went viral. Why would something like that go viral? The actor who plays himself says that it was freeing to say his piece and to have it go viral. It takes a lot of energy to keep that kind of thing in, and when it's released...phew! It has freed him to be the best version of himself. How awesome is that?
Your story of splitting your pants also happened to me! I went to a summer camp in 4th grade, and when I dismounted a horse, my pants split!!! Ugh, how embarrassing.
Thanks for sharing my post, and for joining the crusade for abandoning the chains of embarrassment and shame.
Hi Ilona, thanks for reading and continuing the conversation. Your initial post points to greater underlying societal issues that we all face in one way or another. Thank you for shining a light on this topic.
I appreciate the way you're framing this - "a crusade for abandoning the chains of embarrassment and shame."
I watched Baby Reindeer with both pleasure, discomfort and empathy. I thought it was the most courageous programme I had ever watched, especially as the lead is played by the writer. His transformation following the his ‘confession” was illumining ,as was the ending.
Great story and thanks for sharing your memory. I also find it fascinating how my mirror neurons were going crazy as I read what happened to you, and what Barbra Streisand accidentally did. I just couldn’t help but feel for you and imagine running over with a hoodie or something to help you cover up. And I felt my face flush with embarrassment, imagining what Barbra might’ve felt when she sent that message to Melissa McCarthy. It’s amazing what the brain will do, from just reading a story.
I've not thought of it in that way, mirror neurons, but that's so true. I'm not sure why I've not named it mirror neurons when in the yogic tradition we teach that we are mirrors for one another. In every way! Thanks for sharing Marisa.
Thanks for writing, Paulette. When I think about different times in my life, where I said or did something that wasn't "right" or that hurt others, I have to remind myself that's where I was at that moment in my life and own up to whatever was done. I also think when we look at our shame, we find it easier to give others grace because we've been there. We know what it's like to run and hide, or run home and cry. Your post also reminds me of the Malcolm X quote, “Don't be in a hurry to condemn because he doesn't do what you do or think as you think or as fast. There was a time when you didn't know what you know today.”
Thanks Paulette for this thought provoking article. I want to refer to Brene Brown as she is the Queen for understanding shame. “Shame , I am a screwup …is an indictment of our very existence”. Brene links Shame to perfectionism …”did something in happen this story that left me feeling like my cover had been blown, revealing that I am not what people think I am ? Did my pretend/please/perfect/perform/prove house of cards come tumbling down ? Who can’t relate to that 😂 ?
Another gem from Brene I saw this morning… “Shame thrives on secrecy, silence, and judgment. Shame can’t survive being spoken”. It seems shame is in the spotlight 💗
Oh my goodness, THE CRINGE FACTOR, I now have a name for it. One of the gifts of aging for me, has been the ability to let go of shame. Memories of shame at 68 years, translate to periods of intense growth and learning. That's not to say I don't still have the ability to cringe ... but those experiences have led me to this amazing period in my life. I would cringe then and again to be here. 💙💙💙
Thanks, Paulette, for skillfully expounding on my post. You asked questions that are interesting and worthwhile to explore. Why did we even go to a place where we knew people would be telling embarrassing stories. I don't know why this is so appealing, but one possible reason is that we want to be a safe space for that person to relieve themselves of this shame spiral.
I watched Baby Reindeer and the star of the series did a public confession of a sexual assault that happened to him that went viral. Why would something like that go viral? The actor who plays himself says that it was freeing to say his piece and to have it go viral. It takes a lot of energy to keep that kind of thing in, and when it's released...phew! It has freed him to be the best version of himself. How awesome is that?
Your story of splitting your pants also happened to me! I went to a summer camp in 4th grade, and when I dismounted a horse, my pants split!!! Ugh, how embarrassing.
Thanks for sharing my post, and for joining the crusade for abandoning the chains of embarrassment and shame.
Hi Ilona, thanks for reading and continuing the conversation. Your initial post points to greater underlying societal issues that we all face in one way or another. Thank you for shining a light on this topic.
I appreciate the way you're framing this - "a crusade for abandoning the chains of embarrassment and shame."
I watched Baby Reindeer with both pleasure, discomfort and empathy. I thought it was the most courageous programme I had ever watched, especially as the lead is played by the writer. His transformation following the his ‘confession” was illumining ,as was the ending.
That ending was unsettling, which is what it should have been. None of us have a handle on how to end the shame.
It was unsettling, showing how we are all work in progress.
Great story and thanks for sharing your memory. I also find it fascinating how my mirror neurons were going crazy as I read what happened to you, and what Barbra Streisand accidentally did. I just couldn’t help but feel for you and imagine running over with a hoodie or something to help you cover up. And I felt my face flush with embarrassment, imagining what Barbra might’ve felt when she sent that message to Melissa McCarthy. It’s amazing what the brain will do, from just reading a story.
I've not thought of it in that way, mirror neurons, but that's so true. I'm not sure why I've not named it mirror neurons when in the yogic tradition we teach that we are mirrors for one another. In every way! Thanks for sharing Marisa.
Thanks for writing, Paulette. When I think about different times in my life, where I said or did something that wasn't "right" or that hurt others, I have to remind myself that's where I was at that moment in my life and own up to whatever was done. I also think when we look at our shame, we find it easier to give others grace because we've been there. We know what it's like to run and hide, or run home and cry. Your post also reminds me of the Malcolm X quote, “Don't be in a hurry to condemn because he doesn't do what you do or think as you think or as fast. There was a time when you didn't know what you know today.”
Yes, I agree, when we're able to look at our own imperfections we are more able to be more compassionate.
I've not heard that particular quote. Thank you for sharing, it's powerful.
Thanks Paulette for this thought provoking article. I want to refer to Brene Brown as she is the Queen for understanding shame. “Shame , I am a screwup …is an indictment of our very existence”. Brene links Shame to perfectionism …”did something in happen this story that left me feeling like my cover had been blown, revealing that I am not what people think I am ? Did my pretend/please/perfect/perform/prove house of cards come tumbling down ? Who can’t relate to that 😂 ?
Brene Brown is the Master Teacher on Shame and helping us all understand the roots of shame. And how to work with it when it surfaces.
Another gem from Brene I saw this morning… “Shame thrives on secrecy, silence, and judgment. Shame can’t survive being spoken”. It seems shame is in the spotlight 💗
It seems so. We're busting out from behind the veils.
Congratulations on getting such a great boost from Sarah Fay. 🎉👏🧡
Thank you! Such a delight and appreciation.
Oh my goodness, THE CRINGE FACTOR, I now have a name for it. One of the gifts of aging for me, has been the ability to let go of shame. Memories of shame at 68 years, translate to periods of intense growth and learning. That's not to say I don't still have the ability to cringe ... but those experiences have led me to this amazing period in my life. I would cringe then and again to be here. 💙💙💙
That's such a great way to look at those memories Sue. And I'm happy you're enjoying this period of your life.
Thank you, Paulette!!!